grief counseling for an entire family

Posted on: 24 June 2015

Once you and your partner have decided to get divorced, couples counseling may be the last thing on your mind. However, the dissolution of a marriage is usually a long-term process, and a therapist can help you and your partner approach the separation in a healthy manner, making it less stressful for everyone involved. Below are five ways a couples counselor can help you even if you think divorce is your best option. 

Help You Decide if Divorce is the Best Option

Traditional couples counseling focuses on trying to save your marriage. Often, people try couples counseling even though one or both partners has already decided they would prefer a divorce. A new type of short-term counseling is becoming popular for those couples who are leaning towards divorce as their best option, but are not certain of their choice. 

This counseling, called discernment counseling, is usually a combination of individual and couples counseling. It not only helps you decide whether you should stay in your marriage, divorce, or go to couples counseling and then reassess your situation, but it can also help you come to terms with the guilt and frustration associated with ended your marriage. 

Develop Better Communication for Divorce Proceedings 

If one of the issues that has ended your marriage is poor communication, you may want to get some healthy communication tools from a couples counselor before starting the divorce proceedings. Being able to communicate your wants and needs in a clear, non-threatening manner can make the division of assets easier.

You may need to spend less time with lawyers or in legal mediation if you employ active listening skills and learn how to navigate the emotional and legal aspects of the divorce separately. 

Cultivate Empathy During and After the Divorce 

Divorce is a major life change, and it is likely both you and your significant other will experience feelings of loss and grief. As the divorce proceeds, you may begin to blame your partner for your negative feelings, even if the split was amicable in the beginning.

A couples counselor can help you and your partner recognize the difficulties the divorce causes for both of you instead of focusing solely on your situation. This can help you remain supportive, or at least friendly, towards each other.  

Create Structure for Raising Children 

If you are divorcing with children, you may want to consider family counseling in addition to couples counseling. Your counselor can help prepare you for common problems associated with different custody structures and parenting changes after you have separated. Since you will no longer be parenting together full time, it is important to come up with a more structured parenting style that will be consistent at both family homes. Eventually, your counselor can also help prepare you and your children for the eventual addition of another parenting figure. 

Save Your Friendship 

Depending on your reason for divorcing, you may find you still like your partner and want to remain friends while not being married. A counselor can help you deal with the negative emotions of dissolving a romantic and legal relationship while shifting your focus to the positive aspects of your friendship. They can also help prepare you for common social traps, such as the division of common friends and the possibility that your family will not accept your friendship. 

Many couples do not go to couples counseling until it is too late to save their marriage. However, if you decide that a divorce is best for you and your spouse, there are still many benefits to going to couples counseling before and during the divorce.